Here’s something very interesting. Babies are born with two fears. The fear of being dropped, (fear judgement) and the fear of loud noises. They do not have any more fears. They will close straight over the balcony and down a flight of stairs.
They walk straight out of an open window. They put a hand in a dogs mouth and stick their fingers in a electric socket because they don’t know fear and fear judgement. And the reason I’m telling you that is because so many fears we have, are acquired.
So we are scared of being rejected, I don’t like when people look at me. Here is the thing, when you were born what was your first experience being looked at. The nurse, adults, mum, dad, grandparents looked at you counted your toes. No baby goes like: Don’t look at me! I am a bit fat. I am having a bad head or I put this fat legs.
Babies love being looked even when their diaper full and their nose is running. They like attention. So the fear of being judged is an acquired fear. It is a learned fear. We learn to fear being judged. Because we were judged unkindly or unfavorably.
However, you can overcome that, by judging yourself really well. So we have a kind of what I call external fears. What if I go out with this person and he dumps me. what about to ask that person out. Uff!..and they do not wanna go out with you.
What about going for an interview and hear No thanks! we are not looking for you. So these external fears like disappointment, rejection, hurt, the pain it’s ok to go to these experiences. They mold you, they shape you, they grow you and then we have internal fears.
But you know we have a fear of falling. We go to the edge of a building look down and the stomach plummet. I go to speak on stage and my fingers feel kind of tingling because I decided to go with this excitement. Rather than run so nervous and so we have inner nervousness about doing things.
We have fears of dogs and cats and bees and lifts but these are all learned fears. For every person who fears cats someone else loves them. It is fine. That cat is going to scratch you or that bee is going to sting you or you are going to fall off the tree and kill yourself or you might drown in the water.
And I had a word with a little boy recently who was very fearful because his father was saying things from when I was in school. And this kid like you ran on a road and he got run over and killed ’cause he didn’t know where he is going.
I knew someone who never learns to swim and on holiday he drowned. And he wanted to make these kids safe and he actually terrified them because he filled them up with fear.
And what could go wrong the worst possible outcome?
A plane is gonna crash I’m driving in the rain and I might get scared and die there is no point in those fears. When you focus on the worst possible outcome you actually feel as if you were in that worst possible outcome. And the only way to overcome that fear is that instead of being focused in the worst possible outcome, just focus in the best possible outcome I am driving, It’s foggy, it’s dark it’s icy.
I might skid off the road and kill myself or I am driving very carefully, I am driving very slowly, I am driving very cautiously because I am going to be safe gonna get home that’s the difference. You just have to give yourself different beliefs.
The thing with fear always is that you have two choices rationalize why you feel so terrible or talk yourself out of it. I was out on the beach with my daughter and there was a big dog and it was quite a scary dog and she didn’t like this dog and I said to her: Darling when you don’t like a dog you get very scared and the dog doesn’t like it either he gets scared.
So when you see a scary dog turn your back to it. Don’t look at it because when you look at it you are challenging it and that’s hard to do. To turn back on a dog is hard to do. But if you turn your back it is not a challenge and she understood that.
And I always teach when you have a fear you have a choice. Oh my god! That dog is going to bite me, attack me, hurt me or I am going to talk myself I am going to turn away. I am going to breathe.
I am going to be very calm and that dog is gonna go on its way. It’s the same with everything in life to do with fear. Rationalize why you feel so fearful or talk yourself about it. I will be fine, this is ok, everything is going to work out perfectly.
All of these fears might hold you back and they don’t have to. Because every fear you go through teaches you something. You see! If you go to a fun-fair and go to those loop rides you can scream in terror or you can scream in excitement.
And the fact that we put ourselves through these ride things is that at some level we quite like fear. It challenges us to do more, it challenges us to grow more. So, don’t fear your fear. Remember only, fear to fear is fear itself.